Behind Closed Doors

Hey everyone! I made it on time this month. We have to appreciate the small wins.

Today I thought I would talk about what happens in the lead up to a book making it onto your real or virtual shelves – the process of writing it, basically. My process, at least, because of course every writer has their own; some people can’t write without listening to punk rock, some have to have a cup of tea in a specific mug before they even begin to type and some have lucky odd socks. We all have our little idiosyncrasies and ways of getting into the right frame of mind.

Personally, I don’t listen to music when I write and I don’t really mind what wets my lips when I forget to hydrate for three hours because the words are positively flowing. I can write anywhere, pretty much – in the car waiting for my daughter to finish karate class, in a bar or cafe, in the living room with the TV blaring and the cat jumping on the keyboard. If I can get into the right mindset, the rest doesn’t matter. Then again, I’m kind of known for disassociating from reality from time to time. For a writer, I believe that’s a useful skill.

So, that is the fun part. The not-so-fun parts come after the first draft is finished. You write those words that have evaded you for months and you feel a flutter of excitement, achievement: THE END. Then after a celebratory bubble bath and a bottle of wine, you realise with a twist in your gut that this also means something else: Editing. Now, most writers will tell you that this is definitely the part of publishing that you should invest in, trust an expert. Not everyone has that luxury, unfortunately and I am not alone – there are a plethora of websites and blogs out there teaching you how to edit your own work. No, it’s not ideal, but if you don’t have a writing budget and you want to get your story out there, you have to do it yourself. Beta readers are invaluable. Asking people to read your book for free in return for feedback is a lifesaver. After all, you can’t see the wood for the trees, right? Proofreading your own work is a bad idea, we know this. But still, I was determined to do everything myself from day one and therefore spent countless hours learning everything from formatting to marketing. I’m still not great at it. But I do it myself – without the useless help of AI, I should add – and that is something I am proud of. It helps that my readers tend to look past my choice in cover art or the fact that the words start way too close to the top of the page (Amazon has apparently not yet realised that I do not have Windows or a Mac) because they care about the content, the story. I love these people. But the struggle is real and should I ever find myself in a better life position, help in these areas would be my first goal. Introverts are notoriously bad at one thing – selling themselves.

Now onto a favourite topic of many writers – planning or pantsing?! I’ve read endless pieces of ‘advice’ insisting that you HAVE to plan before you begin to write. Nonsense. Me, I plan WHILE I write. Once the plot develops and shoots off in different directions, I feel I need to get a grip on it a little. I will make notes on my characters – who is who, their age, main characteristics, appearance, little habits and tics they may have. Then, as they take control of the narrative, I note plot twists and holes that need to be filled in future chapters, foreshadowing that I shouldn’t forget about and anything else that I need to keep my eye on. You see, I am the kind of writer (one of millions) that sets out with an idea, maybe a character or two, and from then on, they are in control of what happens next. It literally almost always happens in a split second, my fingers writing words that my brain has barely perceived yet. And I love it. I love that I created the bones of these characters and they slowly, day by day, become real to me; they start to favour a certain kind of outfit, they eat the same weird thing for breakfast every day and they have an annoying habit that makes me shudder when I write about it. They become human. They start to say things that surprise me, they do things that are clearly borne of bad judgement and don’t give two hoots that I’m shouting at them from the wings. They live their story and I am there to tell it.

Of course, the characters don’t have all the answers. I can spend days, weeks, months, thinking on a problem they created and how to bring it full circle so that it fits into the story. I need to tie loose ends and given that my new friends like to spring things on me, it can be tricky to solve the puzzle so that it makes sense to the reader. Often the answers come in dreams, or on random TV shows or something someone says. I can get a sudden light bulb moment when driving to the supermarket, or in the middle of a class. It’s a great feeling when you finally soothe that irritation and an answer presents itself just when you resign yourself to deleting it – unless I’m ten seconds from sleep and believe I’ll remember it in the morning. Note to self: Always write it down. I have a few notebooks on the go for such occasions (I’m old-fashioned that way).

This can all have a pretty dramatic effect on some writers. You start to think about your characters more, you become obsessed with that scar on their chin that was just revealed, the story of how it came about. You ask them questions, you tut when they say something stupid and cringe when they end up loving their enemy (not just their enemy, but now yours, too.) You start to think you’re going a bit crazy because you have basically invented an invisible friend, just like a lonely five year-old. Then there is the grief to deal with when a character dies, or when they betray you, let you down. You question it – is it you, or is it them? Are we dealing with some unresolved trauma here, or are we just having fun with a story? It gets pretty emotional and you find yourself dreaming about it, seeing reminders everywhere. Your history on Google reads like an FBI file and you wonder how far you can push Big Brother before he comes knocking on your door and asking to see your water tank (more on that in a future story).

I decided to name this blog ‘Behind Closed Doors’ because a) it implies a peek behind the scenes, and b) it’s the title of my first book. I had a dream to self-publish the short stories I had been amassing and the theme is that we never know what happens behind closed doors. Murder. Possession. Abuse. We’ve probably all got at least one story from the past when a neighbour (he was always so quiet and polite, kept to himself) goes off the rails and does something that ‘no-one expected.’ Of course no-one expected it – we think we know people because we say hello to them at the corner shop, or because your Aunt Florence delivered a parcel to them once. Don’t be fooled. Ted Bundy was known for his good looks, intelligence and charisma.

People will always surprise you, and not always in a good way. Even the imaginary ones.